So I gave Shane pretty much the same pitch that you heard this week because today was the only day he could listen to it.
Overall, he didn't have many things to say, but he completely understood where I was coming from for this idea. He made several comments about things that I had meant all along, but people wouldn't tell me unless they really understood it. I deem this a success even if it's just a small one. It means that I can at least get at least one other person to think like I do about this project. There were a couple points that he made that I think are quite good though.
1. First of all, he wanted me to make it clear that the purse thief and the thugs in the alley were connected. This may sound like a small issue, but he's absolutely right, if I don't communicate that visually that the story doesn't totally make sense.
2. Second, what are the purse thief's physical qualities? Could he take her? This is another good point. Any stronger built man would turn and harm his pursuer if he didn't think he could outrun her. Or at the very least, he would try to elude her if he really just didn't want extra trouble. Instead, he leads her into an ambush essentially, which means that this man has to be insecure. If this was an ambush to do something horrible like rape her, why was he chosen to be the runner? So choosing someone who essentially is puny, or even has been obviously picked on or made to do this is probably the way to go.
3. Her reaction. Being a comic artist, Shane mentioned that when she gets surrounded, her reaction should be to brace herself rather than to fear what's coming. That makes total sense, and actually something I had been considering long before this. But he repeated this part of his critique at least twice, so I'll stick a mental note to make this super important.
4. He mentioned how she was relieved that she didn't have to step in to save herself at first because she wouldn't have to reveal her secret identity. Spot on. Exactly what I was going for. So I'm very happy that he got that from it.
5. I've had some issues trying to come up with ways to make Lee's speech more interesting. Shane suggested that since Lisa's a super hero (and Lee is taking so long) she would begin to asses her surroundings. What are things she can use? I know before that I said I didn't want her to use weapons, but this may be a better way for her to go. She simply uses nearby objects as make-shift weaponry. It would be more interesting visually, and ultimately give the audience a slight preparation for what may be coming, which in some ways will be better than just a "WHOA!!! WHAT THE HELL!?" reaction.
In all, I found his advice very helpful, and I plan to utilize all of it. I think Shane was the right choice in getting a critique from. As for the second technical critique, I have a scheduled time with Meredith come Monday.
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